The Longest Relationship of Your Life

Most of your money story was already written before you turned eight. Not by you. By the adults around you. By what was said at the dinner table, what was whispered, what was never said at all. By whether money felt safe or scarce, shameful or sacred. Whether the people you loved worried about it constantly or never talked about it at all. And then you grew up. And you carried it with you. And you’ve been living inside that story ever since, most of the time without even knowing it.

In my last post, I wrote about financial trauma aftershocks. The way a present-day money stress can reach back and activate something much older. The response to that piece told me something: a lot of us are carrying more than we realize. But today I want to talk about something quieter. Something that doesn’t necessarily feel like trauma. It just feels like… well… you…

The belief that there’s never quite enough, even when the numbers say otherwise. The discomfort that creeps in when money starts to flow more easily. The guilt around spending on yourself. The anxiety that lives just under the surface, even on a good month. The sense that wanting more makes you greedy, or that people with money are fundamentally different from you, and not in a good way. These aren’t personality traits. They’re scripts. And they’ve been running so long they just feel like the truth.

Here’s what I know after 22 years of working with women around money, and from doing this work on myself: money is a mirror. It will show you things about yourself that nothing else will. Where you hold back. Where you over-give. Where you feel unworthy of receiving. Where you’re still trying to prove something. Where you’re still protecting yourself from something that already happened.

I’ll give you an example from my own life. I have a receiving block. Not just with money, with support. With being seen. With letting people help me. I built an identity around doing it myself. Being the strong one. The provider. The one who holds it together. And that identity, as much as it served me, has a cost, because when it comes to growing a business, you cannot do it alone. You have to ask. You have to be visible. You have to let people in. That’s not just a wealth block. That’s an identity block. And I only found it because I started doing the money work. That’s what I mean when I say money is a mirror. It doesn’t just reflect your bank account. It reflects you.

We have this cultural agreement that money is not to be discussed. Along with sex and religion, it sits in the category of things we keep private. But here’s the thing, we would go to therapy if we felt lost or depressed or like something in us wasn’t working. We wouldn’t think twice about getting support for our relationships, our grief, our anxiety. And yet we white-knuckle our way through our relationship with money completely alone. Ashamed when it’s hard. Performing confidence when it isn’t. Convinced we’re the only one who feels this way.

Money is the longest relationship you will ever have. It starts before you can talk and it doesn’t end until you do. And most of us have never once sat down and asked: what do I actually believe about this? Where did that come from? Is it even true?

Doing money work is not about becoming someone obsessed with numbers or who has abandoned their values for a bigger bank account. It’s about becoming someone who can see clearly. Who can separate the old story from the present reality. Who can receive without guilt, spend without shame, earn without apology. It’s about a relationship that actually works, one you chose, instead of one you inherited.

Once you start seeing it this way, you can’t unsee it. And I don’t think you’d want to.

This is the work we do together. Not just the numbers, the narrative underneath them. Because you can have the best financial plan in the world and still feel like you’re failing if you haven’t looked at what’s running quietly underneath. If any of this resonated, I’d love to have you in The Money Room, or my 1:1 Mentorship. If you have any questions, please send them my way!

Money Trauma Is Real, And You’re Not Alone

I don’t know anyone who hasn’t been traumatized by money in some way. Whether it’s growing up in a household where bills were a constant source of tension, going through a divorce that ripped apart your financial stability, experiencing food insecurity, or navigating years of financial scarcity, every one of us carries money stories. And those stories live in our bodies.

They create something called neuro tags, a concept from neuroscience referring to clusters of neurons that fire together in response to a stimulus. Essentially, your brain links a moment, a feeling, or a situation to a specific response. Over time, if something stressful happens repeatedly, like seeing your account dip into overdraft or hearing your parents argue about money, your brain forms a “tag” around that experience.

These neuro tags are like internal alarm systems. Even years later, when the moment has passed, the body still reacts as if it’s happening again. The nervous system lights up. We tense, brace, spiral, freeze, or  go numb.

How Money Trauma Shows Up

Here’s an example: Imagine someone who grew up with food insecurity. As an adult, even if they earn a good income, they may feel deep anxiety at the grocery store. They overbuy, hoard, or feel immense guilt with every swipe of their card. Why? Because the neuro tag says “There might not be enough later.” And the body responds to that tag, reinforcing the belief every single time.

It becomes a loop: trigger → bodily response → emotional reinforcement → behavioral pattern → more proof that the fear is valid.

This Work Became Personal

Even though I’ve worked in finance for over two decades, my own money story didn’t fully come alive until about five years ago.

I was on disability living on 30% of my income, using my investments, going into debt, and  scarcity became my daily reality. I was in survival mode, emotionally shut down, trying to control what I could, but feeling like I was barely holding it all together.

Since then, as a business owner, I’ve had to navigate the peaks and valleys of abundance and scarcity again and again. I’ve had to learn how to stay grounded, not just in strategy, but in my body. I’ve had to witness what my stories were telling me, learn how to calm my system, and rewrite what was never mine to carry in the first place.

And I didn’t just dip a toe into healing, I went all in.

Because I had to be different.

So I could show up differently.

I became certified in the Trauma of Money. I completed a life coach training created by The Angry Therapist/John Kim. I’ve worked with therapists, coaches, and healers. I’ve studied trauma, embodiment, spiritual development, positive psychology, neuroplasticity, nervous system regulation, all because I needed to understand why we stay stuck in patterns that hurt us.

I did have some healing ground work prior to diving into the money aspect. 

This isn’t something I just teach, it’s something I’ve lived. Over and over again.

And I refused to let that be the end of my story.

Healing my relationship with money meant rebuilding more than my finances.

It meant rebuilding my relationship with my body, with trust, with safety, with myself.

Because money isn’t just about numbers.

It’s about who you believe you are.

It’s about what your body remembers.

It’s about what you were taught to fear, avoid, or carry silently.

And, I want to be clear, I heal it every day, I am not at the finish line. 

The Work Starts in the Body

So what do we do?

We begin by noticing.

What happens in your body when you pay a bill?

When you invest in yourself?

When you give money away?

When you make a big financial decision?

Is there a sensation, a twinge in your chest, a knot in your stomach, a shallow breath, or even a complete shutdown?

That’s your nervous system responding to a well-worn pathway. That’s the neuro tag lighting up. And that is your access point to healing.

This is where the work begins, not just in mindset, but in the body.

Your brain is a powerful computer, and the beauty is: it can be rewired. You can create new beliefs that serve you. But you can’t change what you’re not aware of. And most people skip over this part because it feels inconvenient, uncomfortable, or too “woo.”

We’ve been conditioned to stay in our heads. To rationalize. To push through. But your body holds the truth. It remembers what your mind has buried.

Becoming Conscious Is Inconvenient, but It’s Everything

Doing this work at a cellular level isn’t easy. Becoming conscious of your behaviors, your triggers, your stories, it takes courage. You have to pause when you want to rush. Sit with feelings when you’d rather escape. Watch your spending, your hoarding, your avoiding, not with shame, but with curiosity.

Most people stay unconscious because it’s more comfortable. But comfort won’t heal you. It won’t change your patterns. And it won’t get you free.

It All Starts With Awareness

Awareness is the beginning, but not the whole story.

To truly heal your relationship with money, you have to go deeper: into your body, into your nervous system, into the places where your patterns were formed and are still being reinforced. This is the work I walk women through every day, and you don’t have to do it alone.

Want to go deeper into healing your relationship with money?

I created a free 5-day email series for women ready to move beyond mindset into embodied financial healing.

Each day, you’ll receive:

• A deeper reflection to build self-awareness guidance, j

• A guided somatic practice or body cue

• A journal prompt to help reconnect with your power

Start the journey here → Join our free 5-day email series

Let’s begin this journey together.

I don’t claim to know it all, I am on this journey beside you, knowing this work matters. If you would like additional support, or if you found this series helpful, please send me a note, I would love to be a domino in your journey.

Your friend in financial empowerment,

Kim

Rewriting the Rules: Creating a Relationship With Money That’s Actually Yours

So many of us are living by money rules we never chose.

Be good. Be frugal. Don’t talk about it.

Don’t want too much. Don’t be wasteful.

Don’t let anyone know you’re struggling.

Work hard for every dollar, and feel guilty when it comes easily.

We inherit these beliefs from our families, our cultures, our religions, our society, and they run deep. Often without us even realizing it. We think they’re truth. But they’re just stories.

And if we don’t pause to question them, we live inside them forever.

Inherited Beliefs Are Not the Same as Inner Truth

Most of our financial framework was passed down, not consciously chosen.

• You might have learned that money is scarce and has to be held tightly.

• Or that money causes conflict, so it’s safer to avoid talking about it.

• Or that it’s selfish to want more than enough.

• Or that you must work to the point of exhaustion to deserve abundance.

These rules become internal laws, governing your decisions, limiting your expansion, and shaping how you show up in the world. But what if none of them are actually yours?

What It Means to Build Your Own Framework

Rewriting your relationship with money isn’t just about better habits or learning new systems. It’s about clearing the noise so you can hear your own truth.

You get to ask:

• What do I believe about money now?

• What feels true in my body?

• What actually aligns with the life I’m creating?

This is about sovereignty. About agency. About choosing what stays and what gets left behind. You don’t have to live by someone else’s rules anymore.

When You Create New Money Agreements

This isn’t surface-level work. It’s energetic, emotional, and somatic. But it’s also freeing.

When you build a relationship with money rooted in safety and self-trust:

• You stop outsourcing your worth to how much you earn or save.

• You begin to spend, give, and receive with intention, not guilt.

• You allow money to support your vision instead of dictate your value.

• You create systems that feel nourishing, not punishing.

And most importantly, you feel like you in the process. Not a version of yourself that fits someone else’s story.

Journal Prompt: What Money Rules Are You Ready to Rewrite?

Take 10–15 minutes and write freely, without filtering.

1. What messages or rules about money did I inherit growing up?

2. Which ones still influence how I spend, save, earn, or ask?

3. Which of these rules no longer feel true for the woman I’m becoming?

4. What new agreements do I want to make with myself around money?

Let this be an invitation, not to fix everything, but to begin listening for what’s actually yours.

Your Truth Is the Only One That Matters Now

You’re allowed to question what you’ve been taught. You’re allowed to unlearn the rules that keep you small. You’re allowed to choose a relationship with money that feels nourishing, supportive, and true.

This is where the deeper work begins, not just changing your habits, but changing your story. And I can help you walk that path.

Join my free 5-day email series, where I guide you through releasing inherited beliefs and reclaiming your own money truth—through gentle somatic practices, daily reflections, and powerful prompts.

Each day, you’ll receive:

• A deeper awareness of your patterns

• Somatic and nervous system tools

• Space to write your own new money story

Join the free series here → Join our free 5-day email series

It’s time to rewrite the rules.